have been really cranky these few days esp in the evenings. its probably due to the pre-exam stress and lack of ample rest and what not. and i know i shouldnt be crankily procrastinating here cos everyone of my fellow peers are also going through the identical situations. so i should really stop complaining.

but you know what, during my cranky moments, i've been doing some reflection about everything that taking place in my life. from studies to family and friends and what not. and i found that on one hand, i may appear to be like a normal steady composed successful healthy teenger who seemed to be growing and developing well in every aspect, with a loving family and good friends and good education etc. but on the other hand, i feel insercure and inadequate. there's just something not complete inside of me and is really troubling and boggling me for quite a while. i wont be saying what it is cos this is a blog and friends do visit my blog. i dont want people to know abt thius. and i dont want friends to come asking me about this and showering me with their concerns, and promising to be a better friend. no thank you. its not that i dont appreaciate your friendship. no. its really not that. i really do love every single of you from the bottom of my hearts. i just prefer the way things are now.

i believe that im my own person and im independent. i've always trusted my own instincts and the voice within. i dont need friends to lean and depend anyone for help. i dont need no one's sympathy please. cut that crap. i'll just run to God for solace and stength. i can acheieve anything , overcome any obstacles that stand in my way, no matter how tough it might be, and climb every mountain with my own strength and my absolute faith in God Almighty. thanks. that enough.

so just know that im not really happy and satisfied in a particular area of my life. but dont worry, for i'll always be wearing this facade of composure and that of a good friend to be one for all of you. anyways this facade's already more or less incoporated into my character and personality. not unless you dig deep. no never. to be perfectly honest, none of you will ever get close to the true andrew. none. not even my cloest friend who have only experienced the tip of the iceberg.

truly sorry for this emo post. i've been comtemplating whether or not to even pen this down since it may appear so retarded to say that you have some dissatisfaction but not saying what it is. i just needed to get it off my chest. and the only way is to blog it down here or to talk to my parents(which i wont cos they've have their own share of problems as parents and adults) and how can i ever seek comfort in my friends when every single one of them are so caught up in their own lives, struggling with problems of their own. no i wont allow my problems to be a burden to them. to me its unnecessay. yeah its kinda weird isnt it? but there's just the way it is.

maybe im so used to bottling all my thoughts, feelings and expressions inside of me that im so used to swallowing down all my unhappiness, instead of spitting them out. sometimes i ask myself, what's the use of telling your problems? yes it might allow you to feel better. but when problems arise again, you'll then need to spit it out again and when there's no one around to lend a listening ear, ha. so might as well get use to containing everything inside and get immune to the pain and dissatifaction. and dont worry, i will NEVER explode. yes you've heard me right, I'LL NEVER EXPLODE! i've got my own way of excretion. In no circumstance or situation will i ever crumble and breakdown. no i wont. I AM A FIGHTER. AND A STRONG AND RESILIENT ONE INDEED. no matter how seemingly challenging the obstacles might be, even if the whole world would be against me, i'll not waiver or shrink in doubt of fear. but i stand firm and place my hand in God's plam, believeing in His wisdom valour and strength that will deliever me. and together, victory is ours. mark that.

and yes some ppl genuinely care. but most try, but fail. because they are simply too caught up with the pleasures of their own life to give 2 hoots about yours. bullshit. but really is not their fault too. and in the end, conversations and everything will be about them and their childish dumb teenage problems and none about your personal deeper difficulties. i know. dont ask me why. see what i mean? sometimes you just cant. its not like you dont want.

and just so you know, the difficulties that i'm experiencing is way past all the cliche and childish teenagers teeny weeny problems that happens everyday and can be solved like with a snap of the finger. no im facing situations that are much deeper and more mature. something that im sure none of you have experienced and will understand and be able to relate to anytime now or in the near future. sorry if i'd sound a lil insulting.

maybe i'd blurted all my frustations out of crankiness. yeah who knows? even im not clear myself. i sincerely apologise once again if i've sounded too offensive. yeah i acknowledged my tone was a lil too harsd. but i needed that. dont take anything personally please. rest assured none of you have absolutely anything to do with this. please do nt ask me questions like "omg andrew are you ok". im perfect fine and am in the perfect state of mind. this is just an entry on my relfections and some venting of mine.

oh no. i better get this 'thing' out of my head and not allow it to affect my performance for the prelims on monday. sheesh get out of my head NOW!!!!!

May God bless and guide you and i as we continue to live our daily lives, doing our daily mundane worldly activities. God blessings be upon you. :)

On a lighter note, 26 year old pop singing sensation, Christina Aguilera , and husband Jordan Bratmen, are expecting their first child! Rumours have been confirmed that Christina is about three months pregnant with their first child. oohh cant wait for baby christina/jordan. for more infomation, go to http:// www.christina-a.net/


Everyday is so wonderful,
suddenly its hard to breathe.
Now and then, i get insecure,
from all the pain i'm so ashamed.

I am beautiful,
no matter what they say,
Words can't bring me down.
I am beautiful,
in every single way
Yes words can't bring me down.
So don't you bring me down today.

When there's no one there,
look inside yourself,
and just trust the voice within.