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Wednesday, May 04, 2005
5:43 PM

'Andrew, face up to reality, u are not in CHMA anymore." Yes, as many of u know, i'm not in the finals of CHMA..

During assembly before the names were announced.. i had a bad feeling that i wont be in. through enough when there was only 6 finalists, my fears were more or less confirmed... After the 6th name was announce, i was stunned! I felt a cold and hard knife piercing through my heart bearing the message :Andrew, u r not in the finals. I'm so disappointed in u.. Ur singing sux!. The knife pierced through my heart leaving fresh red blood gushing out. However i controlled.. I put on the happiest expression that i could and i was trying not to show the internal bleeding that was inside of me.. pinkish spots were shown though, to those around me.
I wanted to scream, but i coulndnt. I wanted to cry, but i couldnt. The only thing i could do was to keep the sorrow and hurt inside of myself.. I felt like i was in a dream. A frightening and scary dream.. I felt that life didnt have purpose anymore..

I'm sorry about the aftermath of the results.. I'm sorry for throwing my 'temper' at a few of u.. and for hitting a few of u.. However, i really wanna thanks u guys for encouraging me and the thought about trying again next year.. and trying to bring me back to reality.. Thanks for giving me the slaps that woke me up.. Thanks for telling me that i'm not a failure..Last but not least, i wanna thank u guys who have been showing me support from the time when i thought of joining CHMA, till today.. Really appreciate them, esp wee seng who encouraged me by using his ways of threatening.. I'm sorry to disappoint you guys.. But i will not give up..

"Failure is another stepping stone, leading to success".. Still, if only all these were part of a frigthening and scary dream...

On a brighter note, common tests were quite ok.. English and Chinese were both moderate.. Science was abit of a killer.. Well anyway, gotta go study for history to get good results again.. All the Best for your common tests..

We'll walk this path together..